Alternate Ending for Grandia II
by lt leen
Summary: This is a parody of the ending of Grandia II. Basically, lots of funnyness with some swearing and feeling up mixed in ^_^


Alternate Ending for Grandia II  
  
Scene 1: Outer space, right after the defeat of Valmar (a.k.a. Zera).  
  
The current characters: Ryudo, Elena, and Millenia.  
  
Elena (jumping up and down in a giddy, child-like manner): EEEEEEEEEE!!!! We WIN!! Now everyone can be happy, happy, HAPPY . . . except for the fact that there's no one to pray to . . . ummm . . . is that bad . . .?  
  
Millenia (slaps forehead): Dammit Elena, shut up!! Can't you just shut up?  
  
Elena (her eyes get all big and well up with tears): *Whimper* No . . . I just think that it is bad for people to be free all the time . . .  
  
Millenia: WRONG! We have to be free . . . or else!  
  
Elena: Or else what?  
  
Millenia: How should I know? Just . . . shut up!  
  
What do YOU think, Ryudo??  
  
Ryudo (getting annoyed with their pointless chattering, but trying to remain as happy as possible): Let's fly away!  
  
Millenia (sprouting cool Valmar-bat-wing-thingies): *Hehehehehe* OK!  
  
Elena . . . you can fly with us, right??  
  
Elena (eyes dart in a shady manner): Ummmm . . . yeah . . . sure . . .  
  
Millenia: WELL THEN DO IT!!!!  
  
Elena (jumps): OK!!!!!!!!!! (Elena sprouts interesting angel-like wings. They are cute, though not nearly as AWESOME as Millenia's Valmar-bat-wing- thingies.)  
  
Ryudo (grinning): And I'll use my sword to fly!!! THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (His sword takes him high up into the air, a trail of pretty sparkly things following him all the way . . . )  
  
***  
  
Scene 2: Outer space AGAIN . . . but in a really COOL green bubble. The current characters: Tio, and Roan.  
  
Roan (awakening): Owies . . . where are we . . . ?  
  
Tio (twisting awkwardly): Roan . . . could you please . . . move your hand??  
  
Roan (feeling Tio up): . . . So . . . warm . . . Oh!! . . . um . . . (pretending not to have done it on purpose) . . . ok . . .  
  
Tio (annoyed): One more stunt like THAT, MR. OCTOPUS and you're OUTTA the BUBBLE!!!!  
  
Roan (backing away in fear): I'm sorry Tio . . . you're just . . . so . . . voluptuous . . . (drool).  
  
Tio: Anyway . . . I brought you here because I am so nice, though now I see what a mistake I made . . .  
  
Roan: Mistake? Mistake?? Don't you liiiiiiiike me?? I'm a KING! Now let me feel you up!  
  
Tio: AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!! (whaps Roan upside the head.)  
  
What's WRONG with you?? (raises foot.)  
  
Roan (horrified): T-Tio . . . ? What are you . . . ? (Roan never finished his sentence. Tio has kicked him out of the bubble, and his head exploded in outer space. That's what you get for feeling Tio up.)  
  
***  
  
Scene 3: One year later. Some villagers in the town of Cyrum are crowded around a newspaper.  
  
The current characters: None that you'd know. Sorry ;_;  
  
Villager Number One: So . . . I wonder what's in the news today.  
  
Villager Number Two (excited): LOOK! The obituaries! They're always SO exciting . . .  
  
Villager Number Three: Quick, quick! Lets look!  
  
Villager Number One (reading from first obituary):  
  
- Mareg  
  
- Cause of death: Giant bugs  
  
- Dearly missed by all two of his friends, none of which are alive today.  
  
- Epitaph: Even the eagle knows nothing but darkness while still unhatched, yet while it has life, it struggles to free itself.  
  
Villager Number Two: What the hell does that mean . . . ?  
  
Villager Number Three: Who cares? Read the next one.  
  
Villager Number One: OK.  
  
- Ryudo  
  
- Cause of death: Broke his neck when he fell from the sky while trying to use his sword to fly.  
  
- Dearly missed by Millenia and Elena.  
  
- Epitaph: What was that guy thinking?  
  
Villager Number Two (giggling): Or better yet: What was that guy SMOKING?  
  
Villager Number One: *heh*  
  
- Roan  
  
- Cause of death: Pushed out of bubble when he tried to feel Tio up. His head later exploded.  
  
- Dearly missed by no one. There will be a parade held today to celebrate his death. Buy your exploded Roan heads today!  
  
- Epitaph: So . . . warm . . .  
  
Villager Number Three: Yaaaaay!!! A parade. (runs away to a woman standing nearby.) Mommy, will you buy me an exploded Roan head?  
  
Mommy: Of course, dear. I already have! (pulls out Roan heads. Grin.)  
  
Villager Number One:  
  
- Elena and Millenia  
  
- Cause of death: Cat fight over who missed Ryudo more.  
  
- Dearly missed by no one. Ryudo is dead.  
  
- Epitaph: He's mine! No, he's MINE!  
  
Villager Number Two (giggling): No, he's MINE!  
  
(ghosts of Millenia and Elena come back and maul Villager Number Two.)  
  
Villager Number Two: AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEE!!! *gurgle*  
  
Villager Number One: Uhhhhhh . . . ok . . . I don't know him . . . and I think I'll go over here now. (quickly moves far from mauling ghosts and continues to read paper.)  
  
- Tio  
  
- Cause of death: Heart attack at the sight of blood at nurse's school. Died a nice, human death.  
  
- Dearly missed by everyone who knew her because Tio is wonderful.  
  
- Epitaph: ROAN!!!! STOP THAT!!!!!!  
  
  
  
*** Note: Thanks for reading my very first Grandia II parody!! It is a work of pure genius, I know, so don't STEAL IT! Thanks be to Fatal Music for her help in writing this. She is a treasure trove of funny. 


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